Disturbingly Hilarious Christmas Comedy

Bad Santa (2003)

Billt Bob Thornton as Willie the crappy Santa Claus.

Bad Santa is a comedy released in 2003 directed by Terry Zwigoff (Ghost World, Crumb). Zwigoff has a unique sense of humor that a general audience might often miss, but here the humor could not be easier to detect. I don’t have Zwigoff’s cut of the film but I do hear it’s quite different. The film is produced by the Cohen brothers (Raising Arizona, The Big Lebowski). It is hard to call Bad Santa a holiday film. It’s more of an anti-holiday film I suppose, because almost all of its charm is within the film’s shocking dark humor. It stars Billy Bob Thornton, Tony Cox, Lauren Graham and the late Bernie Mac and John Ritter. It was Ritter’s final film. Thornton was nominated for a Golden Globe for his performance.

Willie and this kid (Brett Kelly).

Willie (Thornton) is an alcoholic who, along with his friend Marcus (Cox), work at the mall for the holiday season as a Santa and Santa’s elf, respectively. The two of them work together to plot a robbery of the mall’s safe every year. Willie’s increasing alcoholism and decreasing thievery skills make him less effective as a partner in crime for Marcus each Christmas. Soon a little lonely boy approaches Willie and he seems to believe that Willie is indeed the real Santa Claus. The mall’s manager Bob (Ritter) begins to see what’s happening, and the security chief Gin, an extortionist, also gets involved.

Willie (Thornton) and Sue (Lauren Graham) in a scene from the movie.

I guess this story has the kind of the humor that I could appreciate. There are some true holiday movies that I can appreciate as well, but I can certainly see how this one would rub people in a very different direction. This is a dirty film that wants to push buttons, but it also happens to be hilarious and original.

My rating is 4 out of 5 stars.

UFC 107 Overview and Predictions

MMA Legend Dan Henderson will fight with Strikeforce.

Kimbo surprising many with one of his monster takedowns.

Roy “Big Country” Nelson won the Ultimate Fighter 10 as many expected but he did it with a huge overhand right against a seemingly superior stand-up fighter in Brendan Schaub.  I was expecting Nelson’s patented fat belly crucifix TKO but hey, this guy can really fight.  Kimbo Slice showed some new dimensions to his fight game against an overly tentative Houston Alexander and got some kick ass ratings for the UFC (5.5 million viewers, peaking at 5.9 during his fight).  The story of the night though for me is Jon Jones manhandling Matt Hamill.  Hamill’s shoulder got hurt before he went on his back and he took some serious damage from there.  Jones delivered some illegal elbows that caused the most damage and was disqualified.  Despite the illegal blows, Jones is a classy and very likable guy that I can’t wait to see more of.  We really are talking about a potential monster talent here.  It’s not all good news for the UFC though, despite all of that and having one of the year’s best cards Saturday night.  Brock Lesnar is still out and may likely be out for all 2010, while MMA legend Dan Henderson has signed with the surging promotion Strikeforce, who also have a great card on Showtime for December 19th.  Hendo vs. Mousasi will make my list of fights to watch out for in 2010.  In other news, Bellator fighting has signed 2 time NCAA champion and Olympic wrestler Ben Askren, who is almost sure to be a major player for a major organization down the road.  Also, K-1 had it’s biggest tournament of the year last Saturday morning and enigmatic Strikeforce heavyweight champion Aleister Overeem was knocked out by Moroccan K-1 superstar Badr Hari.  Badr Hari lost in the finals to gigantic Semmy Schilt.  Look for Overeem’s next step in MMA, and hopefully it will be defending his title against Fedor.  Anyway, in a nutshell that’s mixed martial arts at large.

UFC 107: Penn Vs. Sanchez

Frank Mir wants a rubber match with Lesnar and he begins his road toward earning that fight this Saturday.

UFC 107 features a card deep enough that I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for at least a few short main card fights so we can see some of these preliminary fights.  The UFC lightweight title is on the line as well and I for one truly believe that the 155lb weight class is the deepest division in the world and that B.J. Penn is the best there is.  There are only four fighters in the world I will watch no matter what, and B.J. is one of them (the other three being George St. Pierre, Anderson Silva and of course Fedor).  The card also features the return of Frank Mir as he fights French striker Cheick Kongo.  There has been a war of words here to build it up but really, I don’t see this as the co-main event.  Unless Diego gives B.J. more of a fight then I expect, the fight of the night will be Kenny Florian and Clay Guida.  Both fighters are warlords.

Preliminary Card

• Middleweight bout: Alan Belcher vs. Wilson Gouveia: I wish this made the main card but hey, all these fights are pretty good.  Alan Belcher has been inconsistent in the past but despite losing his last fight, he seems to have found a consistent game and even showed some ground skills in his last few fights.  I still fully expect Belcher to keep it standing.  Gouveia should look to keep this fight standing as well, despite being hammered on his feet by Nate Marquadt in their fight.  Gouveia just seems like a guy who doesn’t care about pain and he wields his hands like battle axes.  How can you not love a fighter like that? He also happens to be very hard to finish and packs some serious power in his hands.  My prediction is Gouveia by TKO in the second round.
• Lightweight bout: Matt Wiman vs. Shane Nelson: Wiman has lost two fights in a row by decision but has consistently fought some pretty tough guys and brings some deceptive power in his hands.  Nelson was completely outclassed in his last fight with Aaron Riley but I’m really not quite sure what to make of this guy just yet.  I’d like to see Wiman come out swinging fearlessly.  If he does that he should win no matter the result.  My prediction is Matt Wiman by unanimous decision.
• Welterweight bout: Johny Hendricks vs. Ricardo Funch: I know very little about Ricardo Funch.  I’ve seen him fight once and he seems well-rounded but leans more toward his stand-up.  Hendricks on the other hand has faced better competition and definitely possesses some great killer instinct.  I’ve seen a lot of this guy on HDnet fights and with the WEC.  He might have what it takes to turn this into a showcase kind of fight.  Both fighters are currently undefeated.  My prediction is Hendricks by KO in the first round.
• Middleweight bout: Rousimar Palhares vs. Lucio Linhares: Palhares might be among the best pure grapplers in all of mixed martial arts, and his stand-up seems to be at the very least elusive enough.  He did survive Dan Henderson’s right hand after all.  Linhares was an M-1 fighter and is also a BJJ wizard but he’s got losses on his record and his competition experience doesn’t seem near Palhares.  This fight is going to be about strength and Palhares is one of the strongest guys in the middleweight division.  He’s got a future at the top of the weight class for sure.  My prediction is Palhares by submission in the second round.
• Welterweight bout: DaMarques Johnson vs. Edgar Garcia: Garcia has fought a lot lately and I really don’t like his loss to Brad Blackburn.  I thought it was a huge judging error and as far as I’m concerned this is an undefeated fighter.  He looks to be well rounded with quick finish kind of power.  I’m really not sure about Johnson because sometimes these TUF guys are fighting other guys who don’t belong at this level and they get exposed, while other times these guys end up with a really great camp and turn into different fighters entirely.  My prediction is Edgar Garcia by TKO in the second round.
• Welterweight bout: Kevin Burns vs. TJ Grant: This could be a good one.  TJ Grant has to come out on fire here because even though Kevin Burns doesn’t appear to possess the raw skills, he does possess tremendous determination.  He hung in there with Anthony Johnson standing in two fights before getting caught with a head kick in their second tilt.  He also submitted BJJ black belt Roan Carneiro and stood toe-to-toe with powerful boxer Chris Lytle for the full fifteen minutes.  He’s a gritty guy who will be too much for Grant.  My prediction is Burns by submission in the second round.

Main Card

• Welterweight bout: Jon Fitch vs. Mike Pierce: Mike Pierce beat Brock Larson in his last fight and only very tough guys can say they’d done that, up until of course Larson looked like complete garbage in his last fight against Brian Foster.  Anyway, Pierce trains with up and comers Brave Legion out of Vancouver and seems to be a legitimate talent.  Jon Fitch trains with the one and only American Kickboxing Academy and these guys don’t fuck around.  Fitch gets these lose-lose fights and he is supposed to win big, but on the main card against this opponent I think we’ll see some flashy and exciting Jon Fitch for a change.  My prediction is Fitch for TKO in the second round.
• Lightweight bout: Kenny Florian vs. Clay Guida: Florian just got a taste of a championship fight and in the end his game plan was his downfall.  His stock is actually up for me after that fight though, because up until he was finished he successfully employed and imposed his game plan on one of the best pound-for-pound fighters on the planet.  Clay Guida is an extremely tough berserker like fighter, but he is by no means invincible.   There will be times in the fight where Florian will really have to fight crazy and that might not be his game plan, but for the most part he should out finesse Guida on his feet and eventually get his back.  My prediction is Florian by submission in the third round.
• Heavyweight bout: Paul Buentello vs. Stefan Struve: I really like this fight.  Struve has faced adversity with his first round knockout at the hands of the very tough Junior Dos Santos, but he has rebounded very effectively, especially considering his age.  He is a 22 year old 6′11″ monster submission guy, and it is no secret what he needs to do here against the bearlike meat hooks of Paul Buentello.  I’m so happy Buentello is back as he has improved his stand-up greatly, especially with the way he uses his jab.  He works the angles and feels out his opponent and then suddenly his jab gets more mustard on it and his opponent is in trouble.  Buentello also has great take down defense and a shitload of experience against top guys in this division.  Heads will be hunted.  My prediction is Buentello by KO in the first round.
• Heavyweight bout: Frank Mir vs. Cheick Kongo: How do we justify giving Frank Mir his rubber match fight with Lesnar?  Give him that mean looking giant black guy with a brutal highlight reel but absolutely no fucking ground game whatsoever.  Casual fans will be really impressed when Mir takes him down and ties him up in knots.  Let’s make one thing clear though, Kongo is an extremely dangerous fighter, especially now that he’s training at the Wolfslair.  His stand-up is top notch and there are times where he’s not only shown some evolution but also a scary killer instinct.  The real problem is, Frank Mir’s stand-up is pretty damn good now too, and at least good enough to shoot in or even just pull guard and put this big dude in an armbar or choke him out.  My prediction is Frank Mir by submission in the second round.
• Lightweight Championship bout: B.J. Penn (champion) vs. Diego Sanchez: I’m in the minority here but I thought Grey Maynard was more deserving of a title shot, after all this is only Diego’s third fight at this weight.  Still Diego is extremely exciting to watch and has only tasted defeat twice in decisions against really tough dudes (Koscheck and Fitch).  This is another level though and at 155lbs I’m not sure anyone can beat B.J. Penn right now.  After the initial onslaught subsides and has failed, Sanchez will settle in and it will be B.J.’s turn to attack.  The problem is he is such a smart fighter that Sanchez will not even know what B.J. is setting up to do.  He can control the fight no matter where it is and the days of cardio being his Achilles’ heel are over.  Even Diego’s top game won’t be enough for B.J.’s guard and if the fight stays standing we might even see Diego get knocked out.  I’m looking for Penn to figure out his finishing touch even before the championship rounds.  My prediction is Penn by submission in the third round.

An Underrated and Overlooked Christmas Horror Classic

Black Christmas (1974)

If this picture doesn't make your skin crawl...it's on TOO TIGHT.

I have to say, the original Black Christmas is a film that I only saw in bits and pieces until recently. I hate admitting it, but I also saw more of the shitty remake first. I even made the mistake of thinking When a Stranger Calls was made before Black Christmas. Black Christmas is the first movie to use the old “The calls are coming from inside the house” cliché. This oversight is also consistent with my overlooking Black Christmas as creating the template for slasher movies, and instead giving sole credit to the classic Halloween, which was made years later. So, Black Christmas was unquestionably crucial in the development of horror films in the years to come. It is monumental in that sense several times over, but it also happens to be a film that possesses both schocking and creepy moments, and an outstanding horror atmosphere that is strongly assisted by unique camerawork and a great score. This really is a hugely significant movie for those of us who care about horror films.

Hussey and Lois Lane get a creepy call.

Black Christmas is directed by Bob Clark, who, ironically perhaps, directed the Christmas movie standard, A Christmas Story. It stars John Saxson and Olivia Hussey. I remember Hussey fondly from seeing her as Juliet in the 1968 film version of Romeo & Juliet. I’ve always thought that she could very well be one of the most attractive women to ever exist. It also stars Margot Kidder and Andrea Martin before anyone knew who they were.

Some merry smothering asphyxia.

The story is supposedly based on some real-life events that took place in Montreal around Christmas. A sorority house begins getting random obscene calls that get more and more obscene, and eventually descend to bizarre madness and threats of murder. People go missing and the calls continue. This is paralleled with a side story of Jessica’s (Hussey) relationship with Peter (Keir Dullea) that eventually works effectively toward the movie’s climax.

Hussey with Christmas lights.

The film ends mysteriously and with subtle despair. It was more than appropriate and actually quite terrifying. This is an important movie that will scare you. It is also a welcome change of pace from the many sappy holiday films we might see this time of year. I highly recommend this classic.

My rating is 4 1/2 out of 5 stars.

Another Horror Remake that Sucks

Black X-mas (2006)

Some of the cast mentioned in the review with Andrea Martin (front), who was in the original film.

Black Christmas (2006) or just Black X-mas, is just another empty-headed remake of an innovative horror classic and slasher standard; the original 1974 horror film of the same name.  People are right in saying that the original is the first slasher film, and along with Halloween, the most influential and of the highest quality in an albeit very feeble sub-genre.  But this remake makes Rob Zombie’s Halloween remakes look comparably exceptional because at least Zombie has some original sense of style.  This comes off as a Hallmark Christmas special with sub-soap opera level actresses only there to look pretty and deliver really shitty dialogue with really shitty direction.  Director and writer Glen Morgan, whose writing credits include the Final Destination series, doesn’t even have enough sense to throw in cutting-edge gratuitous violence and nudity.  If my horror film viewing experience is to include film’s of this quality then I expect the bloody eye ball scenes to transcend even Fulchi, and I definitely expect a hell of a lot more than just one naked ass shot.

Black X-mas has an eye-ball theme.

The cast is made up of has-beens, never-will-bes, and others whose names have only been in lights because of their aesthetic appeal.  Katie Cassidy, whose credits include television trash and other b-level horror fare, plays the lead.  Mary Elizabeth Winstead is in a supporting role and has actually been bad enough in other movies that her looks didn’t matter one iota.  She was most notably vexing and awful in Live Free or Die Hard.  Next are long time television actresses Lacey Chabert and Michelle Tratchenberg, both of whom I did not recognize until I began doing some superficial research in writing this review, and both of whom are completely forgettable anyway.  Glen Morgan’s wife and actress Kristen Cloke’s character is so disposable I had to think she was written in after the shooting began just because, you know, it’s his wife.  My favorite actress by far in this movie was modern scream queen and big-titted Crystal Lowe, who played the drunk in the film, and managed to generate laughs as well as show some skin.  Good for her, someone needed to step in there and stop the madness.  Know your role crappy horror filmmakers, we want more actresses like Crystal Lowe.

Severed head in the snow.

Christmas cookies made of human flesh.

The plot involves a bunch of girls at a sorority house that used to be where a really messed-up family lived and some of the crazies come back for Christmas and begin killing everyone.  It is moderately similar to the original but lacks absolutely everything that makes the original appealing.  There is no mystery or suspense present in this film whatsoever and without that you’d better have some jump scares and over the top gore.  The references to Christmas cliches, over-stylized holiday decorations, and repeated playing of the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy from the Nutcracker, and repeated use of the line “you’re my family now!” was far too heavy-handed and almost unbearable.

It is what it is, a severed head at the top of a Christmas tree....boo!

There are very few redeeming qualities in this movie.  The soundtrack was pretty decent and was the last for long-time Hollywood composer and noted conductor, Shirley Walker, who died shortly before the film’s release.  If you are either a huge horror fan and must see anything with eye-balls being plucked out, or if you’ve only seen and enjoyed more recent mainstream horror films, then you might find this one to be somewhat entertaining.  Otherwise, there is absolutely no way I can recommend the Black Christmas remake.

My rating is 1 out of 5 stars.

Santasploitation

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

"Naughty!"

I vaguely remember the controversy that surrounded Silent Night, Deadly Night when it came out in 1984. I was still a kid but lived in a family with older brothers who enjoyed slasher films like this, and so it was inevitable that I eventually see it. The very concept of a murderous Santa Claus was terrifying to me then, and I was still a devout believer in those days. I would find out the truth in the coming years and then I would see Silent Night, Deadly Night; when I was way too young. It was bad then but I don’t remember it being this bad. As a grown-up I realize how this film’s goal was to benefit from its controversy alone.

"You're being naughty, right on Santa's lap! I don't bring toys to naughty children. I punish them...severely!"

Bow-tied boss gets a hammer to his head.

Silent Night, Deadly Night follows the story of Billy Chapman, whose parents are brutally murdered on Christmas Eve by a Santa Claus whose car broke down. Billy was just a boy and only hours before this tragic event he met his grandfather, who is apparently faking some kind of catatonic state at a nursing home, because when the rest of Billy’s family leaves the room for a few minutes, the old man becomes animated and delivers a hilarious speech about how Santa punishes those who are naughty. These two yule tide events of course turn Billy into a killer Santa Claus. The movie spawned numerous sequels.

In a feature with blood, antlers, and tits; you know Linnea Quigley's bringing the tits.

Arrow to the chest and blood in the snow.

The production value, dialogue, and acting are so bad it is probably not even fair to address in further detail. It does have that cult movie charm due to some unintentionally funny moments and some outrageous and memorable murder scenes. Some moments might even be intentionally “unintentionally” funny, which to me is unforgivable. Some movies do this though. They think because many movies that are unintentionally funny are cult classics (take Plan 9 From Outer Space or Manos, the Hands of Fate for example) then they can get the same kind of reputation if they strive for unintentional laughs, which completely defeats the purpose. I have no doubt that Silent Night, Deadly Night is guilty of this but then again it has a devout cult following.

Santa Claus after killing Billy's dad and raping his mom.

"You see santy claus tonight, ya betta run for it boy!, ya betta run for ya life!!"

I’m giving this a rating slightly above the worst possible because it made me laugh out loud a number of times and has some really funny moments, regardless if they are intentional or unintentional. There is something about exploitation movies that just makes me laugh at how bold they are in carelessly using nudity and violence to provoke their potential viewers one way or another. Silent Night, Deadly Night is far more guilty of this then I could remember but then again when I first saw it I was far more provoked by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

My rating is 1 1/2 out of 5 stars.

The Ultimate Fighter 10 Finale Overview and Predictions

The Ultimate Fighter 10 Finale

Nebraska is definitely going to be in the building.

The tenth season of the ultimate fighter’s second to last episode aired last night and it made for easily the most exciting moments of an unfortunately lackluster season.  It also gave MMA fans a pretty decent card for the finale on Saturday night.  Most of all, Elite-XC MMA star Kimbo Slice gets to make his UFC debut.  A lot of hardcore MMA fans have really ripped into him but I’m a huge fan of Kimbo.  I think he’s an exciting presence and his attitude in no way endangers the credibility of this sport.  The way he was initially presented however, did.  In the end, Kimbo is a big lovable thug that won over my heart on this season’s Ultimate Fighter.  But I’m already too excited for the UFC 107 card so let’s get right to the predictions, starting with the preliminary fights that have really only one fight I want to definitely see aired.

Kimbo Slice

Preliminary Card

• Heavyweight bout: Darrill Schoonover vs. James McSweeney: I’m inclined to say that neither of these two guys proved enough to deserve a shot at being on this card, but on the other hand who doesn’t want to see James McSweeney get beat up again?  The show really made him out to be an arrogant ass, but he does have some really solid kickboxing stand-up.  If McSweeney can stay disciplined and focus on his footwork to stay elusive, he could be pretty good.  He can really move for a big guy and his leg kicks are very strong.  However, when it came to the ground he proved he is one-dimensional when he was dispatched by Roy Nelson, in really the same way Kimbo went out.  To McSweeney’s credit, and despite having a losing record in the cage, he has faced some decent competition in his losses.  The same cannot be said for Schoonover but something tells me this humble hard working guy has the right mind set to get things done and rebound from his loss to Marcus Jones.  My Prediction is Schoonover by TKO in the second round.
• Heavyweight bout: Jon Madsen vs. Justin Wren: Wren got kind of a raw deal in his fight with Roy Nelson, arguably the best fighter in the house (more on that later).  He seems durable and very strong, while at the same time very composed.  Madsen seems like a similar fighter but just not at the same level.  I’m really hoping we see these guys stand and bang but it might just go to the ground and stay there.  My prediction is Wren by unanimous decision.
• Light Heavyweight bout: Brian Stann vs. Rodney Wallace: Former college football star Rodney Wallace is undefeated and making his UFC debut.  This is another level for him but he seems to be a very well-rounded potential star.  This is the fight I want to see because Wallace could be something special down the line, but Stann has faced much tougher competition and has been losing too many fights lately to come in underestimating a young prospect looking to make his mark.  Stann did that with Krzysztof Soszynski (obviously a cut and paste) and he won’t do it again, but it’s still going to be a good fight.  My prediction is Stann by split decision.
• Welterweight bout: John Howard vs. Dennis Hallman: Hallman is a very experienced fighter, but also a controversial one.  He hasn’t fought any top guys in a very long time and he hasn’t been in the UFC in over four years.  John Howard has beaten guys who I think are pretty damn good fighters (Chris Wilson and Tamdan McCrory) and at the time it didn’t seem like he could, so he’s resourceful.  He’s got decent stand-up but Hallman might have an advantage on the ground.  My prediction is Howard by split decision.
• Lightweight bout: Mark Bocek vs. Joe Brammer: Very little is known about Joe Brammer but he is undefeated and likes to grapple.  Bocek has only two losses in his career, where he has fought some pretty decent guys.  This is a hard fight to call for a lot of reasons but I’m betting Brammer proves ready for this level.  My prediction is Brammer by submission in the second round.

Main Card

• Lightweight bout: Frank Edgar vs. Matt Veach: Matt Veach is absolutely no joke.  He can stand and he can grapple very well.  In fact, he might be stronger than Edgar.  On the surface this might look like a showcase fight for Edgar but I think he’s a little too good to let that get to his head.  This really is a lose-lose situation for Edgar because he might soon be deserving of a title shot and if he comes out and wins in exciting fashion he might get one sooner than later.  The problem is, I’m not so sure that’s possible.  If Edgar proves his stand-up is as good as it was against Sean Sherk, he should win.  My prediction is Edgar by unanimous decision.
• Heavyweight bout: Marcus Jones vs. Matt Mitrione: Obviously there are some guilty pleasures on this card and who doesn’t want to see Marcus Jones throw Matt Mitrione on his back and then punch the shit out of him?  I do, and that is exactly what will happen.  My prediction is Jones by TKO in the first round.
• Heavyweight bout: Roy Nelson vs. Brendan Schaub: Let me preface this by saying that I’m a fan of Big Country. This is actually a really exciting fight.  Roy Nelson has fought, and beaten, some top level competition throughout his career, and his game plan is entirely indifferent to what anyone else thinks.  He does what he needs to do to win.  Schaub looks terrific for the most part but hasn’t faced anyone at this level yet.  He could come out and prove he’s ready for the big leagues making the UFC’s heavyweight division even deeper.  Then again, he could get thrown on his back and find Nelson’s big fat belly on his face.  My prediction is Roy Nelson by TKO in the second round.
• Light Heavyweight bout: Matt Hamill vs. Jon Jones: Kind of the main event I suppose.  Matt Hamill is a major roadblock for Jon Jones on his way to MMA stardom.  Jones is so young and so well-rounded.  He has these little flickers of unique greatness and it is all coming together.  Hamill could stuff him though and teach him some lessons that every good young fighter needs to learn.  But let’s not forget that Hamill is not really much more experienced than Jones and he tends to think he can stand.  I can see him getting eaten up on his feet if Jones continues his evolution as a mixed martial artist, but if Jones doesn’t finish him quickly Hamill should adjust his game plan and win a decision.  This could be a really good fight.  My prediction is Matt Hamill by unanimous decision.
• Catchweight (215 lb) bout: Kimbo Slice vs. Houston Alexander: This is going to be the reason a lot of people watch this card.  Toss a coin here.   MMA purists will say that Alexander will use his Mauy Thai and take out Kimbo’s legs.  If he dares to come out with a conservative game plan like that, Kimbo will knock his block off.  Alexander needs to come out like he did against Keith Jardine and just pummel Kimbo at full speed until he’s out.  The problem is he might not have that kind of instinct anymore.  No matter what happens here, this is an absolute guaranteed awesome finish.  My prediction is Kimbo by KO in the first round.

A Virtue Peculiar to Those Who are About to be Betrayed

Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

A shot from the first few seconds of the film.

I was prompted to buy Eyes Wide Shut again when I realized the blu-ray was the unrated version only previously available in Europe. I thought that might mean it would be closer to what Kubrick intended Eyes Wide Shut to be, but the additional footage is really just some extra sexual content. I should clarify that it isn’t really extra footage at all, it’s just that a bunch of robed figures blocking our view from some naughty behavior in the American release were actually removed in this version so you can see the naughty behavior. I didn’t even realize the figures were there and now I have to get my arms around the reasons why they were included to begin with. I assume the film would not have got by the MPAA at the time.  I don’t know, you judge for yourself (I’ve attached some pictures below for comparison).  If you don’t know already, Eyes Wide Shut is a film with quite a bit of nudity no matter what version you possess, so really, who gives a shit.

The shot from the left has added figures to prevent us from the seeing any naughty activities, which are visible on the right.

Kidman is nude from behind a lot in Eyes Wide Shut. Superfluous but forgiveable I suppose.

Nevertheless, I’m not convinced this is what Kubrick intended Eyes Wide Shut to be, but contemplating what he did intend is fascinating to me. I actually consider Kubrick among my favorite directors, so this fascination is probably not as applicable to non-fans. Of his films, Eyes Wide Shut is, along with Barry Lyndon, his least appreciated and most criticized, although not by me. Eyes Wide Shut is actually one of my favorite Kubrick films. Even though it is not as cohesive as his others; it is, on the surface at least, among his most stylized. The interactions characters have are slow and deliberate and it gives the meaning behind each word and each frame more clarification. Many call this quality dreamlike and it is. Expressing reality doesn’t seem to be a priority in Eyes Wide Shut and I wonder if the film was ever meant to be reality in the first place. Although the film is dreamlike per se, there is nothing at all to indicate that any of it was a dream. In fact, the presence of the cult mask on Alice and Bill’s bed verifies the exact opposite. Still, I for one believe the style is absolutely intentional and that is supported by the meticulous photography in the film. Almost every shot seems like it was mulled over again and again. It is no wonder Kubrick had the reputation for doing almost a hundred takes. He was a perfectionist and, at least visually, Eyes Wide Shut has more moments of perfection than not. The acting is good too but really, the control Kubrick has is so evident that it is hard to credit the actors. However, Nicole Kidman is particularly strong and as a bonus her ass is terrific to look at.

Tom Cruise (masked in the middle of the shot) in a scene leading to the film's climax, and yes, there are naked women in this scene too.

With all that said, Eyes Wide Shut may seem otherworldly, but its psychological commentary on marital fidelity from the male perspective is very real. Dr. Bill Harford (Tom Cruise) is told by his wife Alice (Nicole Kidman) that she had at one time thought about having an affair. The paranoia, possibilities, and the trials he endures psychologically and in terms of his fidelity to her, are tested as he walks around New York City and guides us through his many surreal and outwardly sexual encounters. It is an exhibition of his gradual psychological breakdown after his wife shared her secret and all of his encounters seem to be taunting him in his fragile state. There’s more than enough here to make it a great film and to connect almost all of the dots, however, some interesting conspiracy theories exist about the orgy cult that becomes the center of the film’s climax. I’d recommend checking those out if you like this movie but I’m not going to reveal my opinion of them one way or the other.

Shot from the orgy scene.

With all of that said, I thought the characters themselves are normal and well-adjusted, so the commentary itself is even more significant. They are actually good people in a film about doing what is all too often perceived as bad things (i.e. sex). I’m sure there are good reasons not to like Eyes Wide Shut, but for the most part I thought it was unfairly reviewed because of the sexual content and the sexual commentary. We are so used to seeing nudity strictly used gratuitously, that it was easy to be cynical of its consistent use here, and that is just the visual sexual elements never mind what the film’s deeper intentions are overall. I’m not surprised I guess because if the film has a flaw, it is that it’s too cryptic at times. Either way, I think it’s a great movie and it is nice to see it gain more credibility and praise with time.

My rating is 5 out of 5 stars.

I Sing the Body Electric

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

The ape using a tool and taking an early step in the long odyssey of man.

When taken seriously there can be massive depth and cultural significance in commentary such as that which is present in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Moore’s law of singularity and such warnings toward the speed of technology can provide for both fascinating science fiction and, if framed properly, alarming scientific reality. But that is just part of what this film is trying tackle. In the hands of the late great Stanley Kubrick (Dr. Strangelove, A Clockwork Orange), we get a visually stunning and remarkably thought-provoking cornerstone of American film. 2001: A Space Odyssey is everything; it is science fiction, it is conflict, it is horror, it is suspense, it is existentialism, it could even be religion, and it is visually immaculate. Its pace puts me in a trance every single time I see it and it forces me to watch like a tractor beam.

The monolith appears periodically throughout the film.

It is based on the Arthur C. Clark novel of the same name. Clark also helped Kubrick with the screenplay and went on to write three subsequent novels (2010: Odyssey Two, 2061: Odyssey Three, and 3001 The Final Odyssey) with just one turning into a subsequent film version. The film comments on various themes, from evolution and man-made intelligence to extraterrestrial life. As wonderful and thought-provoking as the story is, the film is also groundbreaking in terms of its special effects, its general visual style and imagery, and its unique and unpredictable narrative. Although those elements are Kubrick staples for sure, 2001: A Space Odyssey stands out as quite possibly his greatest achievement and for my money within the top ten or even top five films of all-time.

"I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid."

Different interpretations of this film exist in all pockets of all cultures. They run the gamut from the film being too profound to explain in any message beyond Kubrick’s creation, to Clarke’s more detailed science fiction from the novel, to various allegorical explanations, and to it being some kind of scientific pondering of God and man’s existence. I pick up on new things every single time I see it and I wouldn’t dare attempt to construct or impose my interpretation here, but Kubrick’s film is definitely worth letting it grip you tightly.

The star child; potentially mankind reborn and space bound, looking back on Earth, the place of his origin and odyssey so far.

Besides, no film shows us the depth of our creations while justifying our apprehension in creating them with more clarity, and I mean that both literally and visually. If you are going to buy this film you may as well have it on the best format humans have created thus far, as I’m quite sure Kubrick intended for all of his work to be watched in optimum definition. Don’t worry though, your blu-ray player or Playstation 3 won’t attempt to kill you. At least not yet.

My rating is 5 out of 5 stars.

An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

Wild Strawberries (1957)

Sara (Bibi Andersson) shows Dr. Isak Borg (Victor Sjöström) his reflection.

It is certainly fair to say that much of Ingmar Bergman’s work (The Seventh Seal, Fanny and Alexander) takes an experienced mind to fully appreciate. As elitist as I’m in danger of sounding for writing that, I do believe it, but I will also concede that I am by no means experienced enough in life to appreciate Wild Strawberries fully. It makes me wonder why a film like Wild Strawberries would be shown in film classes to budding and perhaps talented artists, but not unlike me, they are most likely novices at life. Dr. Isak Borg (Victor Sjöström) is not a novice. He knows what it is like to lose love and surrender to something less. He knows exactly what it is like to be lulled and deceived by life’s trials. For so long he was dead in life and would become alive again during the process of his death. It is a bittersweet and profoundly beautiful realization that Dr. Borg is compelled to find in this truly amazing film.

From left; Ingmar Bergman with cast members Jullan Kindahl, who plays Adga, and Sjöström.

Wild Strawberries follows the one day journey of 76 year old medical scientist Isak Borg. Isak was born into a family of ten children and he is the only one alive today. He has been a doctor for fifty years, a father for probably more than thirty years, a widower for some time, and socially he has withdrawn quite a bit. He is being rewarded for his professional accomplishments and he travels to his destination to receive his honors. Through interactions with various characters, through triggered memories, and sometimes through horrific dream sequences, this film turns out to be a meditation on Dr. Borg’s life. It is ultimately about a man in the twilight of his life gazing into the mirror, perhaps for the final time, to find some level of resolution and comfort.

Surreal scene from one of the film's dream sequences.

There are so few filmmakers today making existential road films like this. Alfonso Cuarón (Y tu mamá también, Children of Men) comes to mind. It’s so rare to find something so deep and succinct. Most films that rely to any degree of making philosophical statements through dream sequences and similar devices are often reduced to being vague, cryptic, and sometimes even pretentious. Wild Strawberries provides both a glimpse into the psychology of Dr. Borg as well as a more macrocosmic spirituality some viewers will empathize with and find endlessly rewarding. It is a film about nerves and dread but at the same time it is a film about authentic self-identity, satisfaction, and peace. There’s a lot to learn here. This is a film to enjoy multiple times for sure.

My rating is 5 out of 5 stars.

We Must Make an Idol of our Fear, and Call it God

The Seventh Seal (1957)

"You all say that. But I give no respite."

Crusader, Antonious Block (Max Von Sydow) and his squire Jöns (Gunnar Björnstrand) have returned home after ten years. Unfortunately, thorough chaos and the black plague await them. Block himself comes face to face with a human manifestation of Death (Bengt Ekerot). Death has come for him and during Block’s trials over the last ten years he has felt his faith in God diminish. Block challenges Death to a game of chess that plays on throughout the entire film. We wonder if his expectations are to actually outwit Death and survive. During his many interactions with Death he asks for true knowledge of God’s existence and therefore some guidance as to his own. He is conflicted and to some degree he views the concept of God as merely an idol created to pacify fear and doom. These are just a few of the many insights that make their confrontation so enticing. Block’s squire Jöns seems to acknowledge and exist in this oblivion and acts as humanity’s voice of helplessness to Block. Block likely knows his death is forthcoming but is playing his game of chess as a way to delay the inevitable. The delay allows him to reunite with his wife and to further ponder on the existence of God. But most importantly, it is all a way for him to express and examine his utter dissatisfaction with the possibility that life has absolutely no meaning at all.

"I want knowledge. Not belief. Not surmise. But knowledge. I want God to put out His hand, show His face, speak to me."

I was first exposed to some of Ingmar Bergman’s work when I was in my teens. Back then I only thought I understood Bergman. I was wrong; with Bergman there is always some new guidance to provide further appreciation for life. Unfortunately, this outstanding director passed away in July of 2007. I felt obligated to buy Criterion’s release of Bergman’s masterpiece The Seventh Seal. I’ve seen the Seventh Seal three times. The first time without really paying attention but just kind of suspecting it was something special, this was years ago in my late teens. The other two times I watched it alone and both times I became consumed by it; once as a pious Christian and once as a skeptical agnostic. I saw the film in a dramatically different light with each viewing but yet it was still a great experience. Needless to say, if you’ve seen The Seventh Seal and not felt that your faith or lack thereof is being questioned and tugged at then you may need to watch it again. In the end, I found a satisfying resolution either way and the film is both personal and universal in it’s commentary, so you may too. It is interesting to note that The Seventh Seal never tries to directly answer Block’s questions and almost anyone could walk away satisfied with the conclusion. The Seventh Seal isn’t necessarily about God and faith directly, but really just the aspects that produce them. The experience of life and finding comfort in our own personal existence is something only the ignorant or indifferent could look away from, and they may be the only ones unsatisfied with The Seventh Seal’s conclusion. As a character Block is anything but ignorant or indifferent. He is more alive and passionate throughout the film because he knows full well he is in Death’s grip and he wants to know if his actions in life are worth anything. This is a hugely significant film that tackles hugely significant subject matter and does so without preaching at us. It even uses some humor in doses at just the right time. I’m hopeful that one day a film like this could be produced again but somehow I see cinema going in a very different direction.

"Mia! I see them, Mia! I see them! Over there against the stormy sky. They are all there. The smith and Lisa, the knight, Raval, Jöns, and Skat. And the strict master Death bids them dance. He wants them to hold hands and to tread the dance in a long line. At the head goes the strict master with the scythe and hourglass. But the Fool brings up the rear with his lute. They move away from the dawn in a solemn dance away towards the dark lands while the rain cleanses their cheeks of the salt from their bitter tears."

The DVD release itself is a very good one and I definitely recommend the Criterion release. The film has been restored enough to appreciate the cinematography for the time and budget, and there are also some great extras that really help to put Bergman’s film career in perspective. I can honestly say that no film affected me like The Seventh Seal and I am a Bergman fan for life, with still much of his filmmography left to discover and enjoy. He will be sorely missed.

My rating is 5 out of 5 stars.